“I didn’t choose to rhyme, rhyming chose me,
So I hit the ground running like a nosebleed.”
School was never easy for me, though the paper records might suggest otherwise. I wasn’t entirely straight-A’s but I was near enough straight-A’s. It was difficult behind closed doors, in the parents evenings with teachers not understanding my apparent lack of self-belief or why I wasn’t quite hitting my potential. It was difficult not having the attention span to digest a lesson, let alone a passage of reading for homework. I would later go on to find out that I got through school and university somehow in spite of my recently diagnosed but historic ADHD.
It was difficult in- and outside of the classroom socially, though again, it might not have appeared too much like it. I never fitted in. I was the bridge between so many different groups – sporty people, drama-y people, the stoners, the skaters, the arty and drama people (though my school lacked, I feel much of a creative ethos). For my final exams I ended up simply doing what I could manage, History, English Literature and German. I even took History all the way to degree level and coasted through it somehow. I was quietly opinionated but always on the defensive. Socially it was similar at university. I knew seemingly everyone and nobody really knew me all that well – I tried circus skills, breakdancing, basketball, Jiu Jitsu, debating, whimsically wondered what it meant to be in with the posh kids, who definitely inadvertently made it clear why such a stigma around privately educated people in the UK exists. I fancied a bit of rough, went to a few dodgy parties and quietly and often nervously observed the behaviours of those around me. I always observed, in a near-paranoid state, whether consciously or otherwise, whether in a dodgy party or Soho steakhouse with 10 senior people from a large investment bank on an all-expenses-paid Thursday night out after a 7-hour steering committee meeting I would later attend (to run the PowerPoint presentation and note decisions).
I was, and am, often to the frustration of those around me, always watching and listening. This, I think, eventually is what would lead me to film – I dissect everything I see, and hear, around me… and used to watch A LOT of television… a lot.
Editing allows me to re-live the moment which is normally missed, watching others live it for me and appreciate the beauty in the nuances of how people, move, talk and how, for me, that rhythm can be paired with music. Directing allows me to talk without consciously thinking too much and use my intuition about how I feel people realistically act and I love the interaction with receptive people that affords. Writing allows me to escape or put to good use the all-too often overly intense version of events being presented before my eyes on a daily basis.
“I didn’t choose to film, filming chose me,
So I switched and hit up the university…”